Heaven CAN'T wait

It was such a blow to the gut last spring as we learned that Sugarlump's colon cancer had returned after five years of absence. It didn't sneak in, it crashed in loud and large and our heads swirled as we tried to grapple with the truth that this thing was big and there was nothing to do to stop it from slowly but surely taking her life. Such a hopeless feeling. Such an amazing lady. So giving. So gracious. So kind. So full of life. Such an amazing cook. Each dish prepared with her secret ingredient - pure undiluted joy in serving those she loves. Her smile hugs you warm and tight.

The chemo wasn't effective - her body couldn't withstand the poison. Surgery wasn't an option - the risk of her not making it through the surgery was too great and there weren't any guarantees that it could even be removed. Thus, started our agonizing wait for the inevitable. I marveled to watch each of her 5 children, their 5 spouses, 16 living grandchildren, adoring sisters, nieces, nephews, and lifelong friends as they each poured out from the overflow of love in their hearts for this amazing lady who had loved them so lavishly for years. How do you cram in all the words you want to make sure that she hears before her departure? How do you capture each sweet kiss and stolen glance for safe keeping?

It won't be long now. Things are changing quickly. While our hearts throb with the reality that we will be separated soon, there is a quiet peace knowing that this dividing chasm will be temporary. As we stand alongside her and wait, we thank God for the angels known as hospice who will guide us through this birthing process into her new life. Our deep sorrow is only trumped by our wide-eyed wonder at what lies ahead for her in eternity.

Chris Rice sings it well:
"And soon He turns the final page
We'll look the Author in the face
Then the book really begins
'Cause something tells me all these years of memories
Are only the first sentence of eternity "
("Nonny Nonny" by Chris Rice)

Home is where the TUBA is (SHE! magazine December '08)

I love Christmas. Love it love it love it! My special little guy, Jonathan (with Down Syndrome) agrees with his Mom that this is definitely the most wonderful time of the year. Jonathan doesn’t have a strong concept of “calendar”, but at the very first cold snap, he begins asking about Christmas. Over and over and over. Hence, begins the annual countdown. We are on the yuletide home stretch now and the excitement meter in the Griffin household is tipping the scale, for sure.

Only one problem. My little family is a bit “displaced” this Christmas season. We moved to a different city recently and are living in an apartment while we try to sell our house. Having downsized our living quarters over 1000 square feet, we are officially out of elbow room. Our current journey of “togetherness” is proving to be an exercise in self control, to say the least. It’s a good thing that Santa is making a list and checking it twice.

No matter how much nesting I have done in our new, space-challenged abode, it just isn’t home yet. It sort of feels like we are on an extended stay at a hotel. Who wants to have Christmas at a hotel? I mean, the song doesn’t say “I’ll be in Room 1225 for Christmas” – it says I’ll be HOME for Christmas!

I remember my very first Christmas as a married woman. It took place in a tiny little apartment that didn’t feel at all like home yet. We were dirt dumb poor college students, but all we needed was love. Okay, love and a Christmas tree. So, off we went to find our tree! We were so excited about picking out the perfect tree…until we saw the price tags! Good grief, they were expensive. I was heartbroken, because a real live tree was such a big part of my Christmas as a child. Hours into our search for forestry perfection, and cold, red noses to show for it, we had found a Christmas tree that we newlyweds could afford. Allright, so it was more like a Christmas bush. A spruce pine that stood all of 3 feet tall. Not a Frasier fir, but not bad for five bucks. Charlie Brown would be proud. I adorned our beloved tree with a plethora of red and white gingham bows and some leftover ornaments my Mom had given me from my childhood. It was a beauty. Suddenly, that apartment felt a lot more like home.

This year we’ve had to be equally creative to make our new pad feel like home. Our own special tree that we drag out from the garage each year (yeah, I succumbed to the ease of the artificial) and all of our cherished ornaments were a great start. As we unwrapped each tree adornment as though they were presents in and of themselves, we played “remember when” and laughed about the stories that were hidden in each of them.

Hanging the stockings was such a treat, too! While we don’t have a mantle this year, we decided that the high bar in the kitchen/dining room was the perfect home for our special socks. I just love to watch the eyes of each of my children as they try to imagine what treasures will stuff each crevice. And speaking of “stuffing”, we’ve been sure to do the ample amount of cooking and baking for the holiday season. Those cookies that come in a tube can be quite the culinary challenge, but when sprinkled with colored sugar, they are sure to please!

And last but not least, I’ve assured the kids that Santa will know that we have moved. My middle school daughter, Meredith, wants a digital camera (pink, of course) under the tree. My second grader, Savannah, has visions of a cell phone dancing in her head, but will probably have to settle for some new Hot Wheels cars, army gear, and Barbies. A creative combination, don’t ‘ya think?

Jonathan has quite the interesting request for the man in the big red suit this year. He has decided that he wants a tuba for Christmas. Yes, you read right. A tuba. Jonathan already has a trumpet and a trombone. It seems only fitting that he would top his collection with the crown jewel. A tuba. Is anyone thinking what I’m thinking? That a tuba and an apartment complex don’t mix? Ah, we’ll have to see what Santa thinks.

“Home” is a relative term, I suppose. Give us God’s love, each other, a hefty dose of Christmas nostalgia and we’re good to go. All that and a tuba is more than any family could ask for.