Hello, my name is Melodie, and I am a brave sissy. Unfortunately, I've yet to find a support group for such, so I will gladly leak out my thoughts here for all to see.
People who have only known me in my adult years are always shocked to learn that I was shy as a young child. I vividly remember the Christmas that my beautiful Mom crafted matching, long, silk, plaid, taffeta skirts for us to wear! I was so proud to look just like her. I remember gathering in our living room for a family photo and a neighbor that I didn't know very well had come to take the picture for us. I was scared of anyone that I didn't know very well and quickly hid behind Mama's skirt for refuge. The slick cloth made a happy noise as I wrapped the excess silk around my nervous little self.
I've stood up to many an unfamiliar neighbor since then. I've fought many battles, and have come out the victor because of the One Who was ultimately fighting on my behalf. I stand in the assembly and yell out His goodness. I belt His praises from the tips of my painted toes. I've championed the cause for mothers to choose life for their unborn special needs child, no matter how scared they find themselves. I have valiantly laid out hope for those facing infidelity in their marriages, reassuring them that what God joined together should stay together if at all possible. I meet with girls in their living rooms, in coffee shops, on the phone, internet, e mail and facebook - boldly, passionately telling them about the God Who adores them and that He will go to unbelievable lengths to woo their heart. He will. He did.
I am brave. I am also a sissy. The only way that I am ever able to step into the line of fire is through the strength and power of the One Who redeemed me. I really can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.
But there are those weeks. Those days. Those hours. Those minutes.
Times when I'm just not sure I'm up for the fight. Recently, I have signed on for new assignments in His kingdom, co-authoring a book to encourage moms who have kids with special needs. This is so much more than a book - this is a project. A project designed to bring HOPE to the hurting. Apparently, this is the devil's stomping ground. I feel as if I have stepped into a pile of ants, and bumped face first into a swarming bee hive all at once! The enemy is snorting mad.
Good.
This morning, I pulled out my nifty Bible app and found today's reading - this place that brings things back into focus - this place that settles my anxious soul. Exodus 4:13 says, "But Moses again pleaded, Lord, please! Send anyone else." There it is. The prayer I refuse to pray. My apologies to Moses, because I am not trying to look down my nose at him. He belongs to my brave sissy support group. I simply want to learn from his mistakes.
God trusts us with hard things sometimes - what a compliment! When I see Him face to face one day (pause here for the happy dance) I don't want Him to say, "Melodie, I set you apart for great things in my kingdom, but you asked me to send someone else." No! No! Put me in, Coach! No matter how fierce the opposition, I choose to play for the winning side! And I don't want to sit the bench - no!
What was that assignment again, God? I'm all in.
